The most dysfunctional #cute #friends #love #instagood #instamood (Taken with Instagram)

cause it’s louder…

cause it’s louder…

He didn’t know who he was, or who he wanted to be. He had no idea where he was going, other than the daily routine his parents had laid out for him. Everyone thought he was so weird. He didn’t possess the capability to speak words; express feelings. So he drew. He wrote. He imagined. 

Other kids learned math and absorbed it with ease. He simply couldn’t. He wanted to create and destroy, work with colours and make magic on paper. No one understood him.

As he grew older, the worry became worse. His mother reassured his father that one day, he’d be normal. Normal. It was what he strived to be, but he didn’t know how. Didn’t know how to be anything but who he was. His creativity controlled his every move - and for that, he was known to be an outcast. Outcasted he was.

To my father;

I can’t say this to you, so I’ll say it here. I’m so fucking sorry.

I resented you my whole childhood for not being there for me, while at the same time, I loved you and looked up to you with wide adoring eyes like every child does. You weren’t there physically or mentally, so I reacted with every emotion in my growing mind and body. I channeled all my anger, blame and frustration with mom, with growing up, with school, with being young, with you, and heatedly threw it your way. For this, I made the biggest mistake, because if I hadn’t pushed you so far away, you would never have gone as far as you did.

As frightening and aggressive as cancer is, it brought us closer. For that I am thankful. It breaks my heart seeing you sick and makes me painfully aware of how fragile life is. I fear every day that you won’t be there for the milestones in my life. Walking me down the aisle; welcoming me into the first house I buy; picking up your grandchildren. I want my children to know you. I promise if you live that long, I’ll never tell them about all the things you missed out on.

I appreciate you, Dad. Maybe not so much as a father, but more as a person. You taught me how to love, how to let go, and how to smile even when things aren’t going well. Maybe it’s because you’re so careless that you have fought cancer - you were accepting, strong, and never let the stress eat you from the inside. There are so many things I love and hate about you. But I will always love the way you look at me, like I’m still that little four year old girl driving you to the brink of insanity.

You’re not emotional enough to read this or even understand it. I don’t think I’ll ever say these words to you. I just hope you know that I appreciate and accept you for who you are. Missed dance recitals, forgotten birthdays… They are the past. I want you to be there in my future. I love you so much.

                                                          *         *         *

I hope whoever reads this is braver than I am, and can tell their own father how much they love him, despite his flaws. It’s tough, but holding onto anger is so much tougher. Don’t let time slip away. Don’t waste your heart on anger.

Lana Del Rey

Lana Del Rey

Trust

Why is it that we are born so trusting?

We start off with the strongest feeling of security. Parents to console us and meet our every need. No worry isn’t met. We are so full of trust that we put our lives in our mothers and fathers hands - falling asleep in the car while they are driving, running to them when we’ve been hurt. We are born with this inherent blind faith in the people we love.

When does that change? I guess as you get a little older and can actually see people for who they are and the things that they do. At a fairly young age, once our parents really put us out there into the world, we realize people are not all so trustworthy. There was that boy in kindergarten who stole your toy, that girl who pushed you at recess, and the person who told you they loved you in the third grade but gave someone else a valentine instead. We learn that people don’t always mean the things they say; that their actions say much more than their words. And it is through these minor experiences that we learn to second guess others, and become picky of who we have faith in.

We get older and life gets more complicated. Feelings run deeper, relationships more complex. It is at this time where we all face the harshest reality - the group of people we trusted several years ago has narrowed immensely. It started with your old best friend who spilled all of your juicy secrets, to the boy you kissed who ran and told everyone. Embarrassment, betrayal… all a part of growing up, no matter how painful it is. But everything is a lesson, and the lesson we all learn is to trust no one, as we discover no one is worthy of our trust. 

It continues to evolve, no matter what age you are. 15, 27, 45… your spouse cheated, so and so committed fraud, the lies get messier and our lives do too. How do we live in a world where betrayal runs rampant? How do we live in a world, constantly questioning who is worthy of putting our faith in? How do we come back from a lie that broke our hearts? A lover who broke our trust? A secret that tore our family apart? How do we move on?

As the days pass; as the clock ticks; as our hearts beat; as the seasons change; we discover we do not have a choice.

These are my five favourites for this week. The cold weather is starting to get to me and I’m definitely not liking it. 

1. Grey Nails
Even though this trend has been present for a few years, recently it’s gone up in popularity. I’m not such a fan of the lighter greys, but the darker ones are definitely a winter must. (Image via www.styleesascloset.blogspot.com)

2. Brown Smokey Eyes
My staple, go-to makeup look is a smokey eye, but lately, I’ve been trying to do a different, lighter take on it. A version of the smokey eye with brown creates a much more day friendly look and is still va-voom without being quite as intense. This set from Sephora is a definite must. The colours are gorgeous and the pigment is rich. (Image via www.Sephora.com)

3. Mirrored Pieces
Even though this coffee table is to die for, I’m currently obsessed with mirrored pieces as a whole. Mirrored nightstands, desks, picture frames are all great ways to make a room instantly chic. I have my mirrored pieces paired in white rooms with simple dark accents. Beyond gorgeous. Although some pieces can be expensive, try scoping out a local vintage furniture store and do DIY fix up. (Image via www.WestElm.com)

4. Starbucks Christmas Cups
I don’t even have to explain this one. The day christmas cups come out is one of the happiest of the year, even though it finally signifies the coming of winter. However, these cups (especially what’s inside of them) definitely help to keep me warm during these frigid winter months. (Image via www.lashesanyone.blogspot.com)

5. Faux Chinchilla Throw
The trend in faux fur doesn’t only stop at jackets and vests - this throw is amazing. It is the ultimate in comfort and luxury. Faux fur throws are a great way to add some texture to either your bed or couch. They are great for those cold nights where you just want to cuddle and watch a movie. (Image via www.ZGallerie.com)

Freja Beha is literally flawless. I’m in love. 

Show me a hero, and I will write you a tragedy.
F. Scott Fitzgerald